Last Day of Maternity Leave - July 23rd, 2010

Tomorrow is my last day of maternity leave. I've had a variety of feelings about my pending return to work, but recently it's been a blend of apprehension and sadness. I'll miss my little girl something awful and I'm afraid that she won't get as good of care as I can give her. Realistically, she'll probably get better care from those who are more familiar with her development. But darnitall, I'm Mommy! I give the best attention, hands down! I really just need to calm down and accept that it will be what it will be. If I really can't stand it, I can always leave work. I've promised myself at least a full month of trying before I really think about it again. Once that month is up I can reconsider my feelings, but until then, I need to give work my attention again. I really do enjoy working, so hopefully I can feel that pleasure of accomplishment again when I return. Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I have a heck of a busy 3 days coming up! Tomorrow is my baby girl's 2 month checkup! I hope she's been thriving. I've had breastmilk supply issues - perhaps I'll write more details on that later. Suffice to say that I hope she is gaining weight and growing appropriately from her last appointment and I'll be very happy with where we are. After the appointment with the pediatrician, we're headed for the daycare for another meeting with her new teachers. We'll get some last-minute questions answered and then we're off to the hospital (one pretty far away actually, not the two closest to us) to return the hospital-grade breast pump that we've been renting. Finally, we hope to have dinner at an Indian restaurant in our old neighborhood since we've moved to the sticks and no longer have Indian food nearby. Saturday will be filled with a doctor's appointment for my husband and I for our insurance, then off to a suburb waaaay on the other side of town for a girls' afternoon out - manicures, pedicures, and dinner of some sort. Sunday will be filled with a visit from friends for some D&D (Dungeons and Dragons for all you non-geeks). Then we'll do some chores and we're headed for the work week. Eeek!

So wish me luck, please! It's gonna' be crazy 'round these parts!

I am a terrible blogger

But, on the other hand, I have a most adorable baby girl! She was born in late May at 6 pounds and 14 ounces. She was a long little girl at 20 inches. She came 3 days after my due date and is now 6 weeks old. Here is a picture of the little munchkin. Bask in her adorableness! =)

Oh, and by the way, we really thought 'she' was going to be a 'he'. We were awfully surprised, but couldn't ask for a more delightful baby.

Six Weeks Left - April 8th, 2010

I can hardly believe that I only have 6 weeks left in this pregnancy. Actually, that's 6 weeks until my due date - I'll be considered full term in just 3 weeks. Wow. We have a lot to do between now and then, that's for sure! We close on both houses on April 20th and move to our new home on the 21st. Two weeks from right now, we'll be in our new house. Crazy. That's all I have to post for now. Eventually I'll have pictures of the new house. When we remember the camera. And it's charged. And we have the memory stick. Eventually.

The Word of the Day is Lucky - March 11, 2010

*tap tap* Is this thing still on? Anybody still out there? I wouldn't blame you if you weren't . . .

I was just thinking about things today and feel a very strong need to post. I've been really bogged down in some stressful situations lately. Work has been sucking every last ounce of energy out of me possible between challenging assignments, unrealistic timelines, and difficult coworkers. My husband was out of the country for a few weeks, leaving me to not only keep the house running, but deal with the trials of selling our house alone (with some help from Mom - thanks Mom!). And yeah, we've been trying to sell our house and buy a new one before baby comes. So I've had my share of stress these past few weeks. That's not what I want to post about though. What I want to post about is this: I am a very lucky person with a lot of things going right.

First off, I got pregnant via IUI. I know, there are tons of people who get pregnant as easy as sneezing - why do I consider this lucky? Because I've been following the story of many wonderful women on the infertility boards over the past year. There are many who are still there, trying to get pregnant completing round after round after round of treatment. More still spend months and months undergoing treatments and finally become pregnant only to have that bliss stolen from them due to a miscarriage, or worse, multiple miscarriages. These women are hopeful, dedicated, and deserving of experiencing pregnancy and the joy of having a child of their own. They spend countless thousands of dollars chasing the dream of this, only to have cycle after cycle of disappointment and sorrow deeper than I can even imagine. And I am no longer experiencing this - and there is much of it that I never had to experience at all. I am pregnant. I did not miscarry. I am going to have a child. Anything I am going through now pales in comparison with the sorrow that I was feeling or could still be feeling. And there are many who feel it for years and years - some for the rest of their lives.

I am also lucky because I am now 30 weeks pregnant, and my little one is still tucked safely inside of me, growing and healthy. My sister gave birth to her first child at 30 weeks exactly. If my pregnancy had gone the way hers had, I would have been on bedrest for several weeks now, and this morning at around 3:30 in the morning, I would have been informed that I would have to undergo an emergency c-section. But my pregnancy didn't go that way. I am not on bed rest. In fact, I'm feeling better lately than I have for several months. I'm a little tired, but that's understandable based on all of the activity in my life these days. I am healthy, my baby is healthy, and there isn't any indication that my little one will be anything but a full-term healthy baby. I will not be spending the bulk of my maternity leave visiting my child in the NICU. I will almost certainly get to spend that time at home learning all I can about this interesting little creature that I'm currently growing inside of me. I am so lucky.

I am also lucky because my house sold over the weekend for a fair price. No more worrying about that - I will find a new home to move in to or we'll rent a place for awhile. It will be difficult if we have to do that, but so what? It won't be that bad. We've sold our house and our options are wide open. I'm very lucky for that too.

I'm lucky that I have a family who loves me. And I have friends who love me. And everything is going to work out. It may be difficult sometimes, there are hardships to overcome, that is certain, but everything is going to be OK one way or another. And that's pretty damn lucky.

Odds and Ends

We decorated our Christmas tree today. That wraps up all of our holiday decorating, and our house looks great! This house is really quite beautiful. I'll miss seeing it all decked out for the holidays once we move (no movement on that yet, but I still think it will happen), but am very much ready to say goodbye to it. Now I just have to wrap my gifts, as I finished up my shopping in November.

I've been feeling the baby move every day or two for several weeks now. It's very cool, but also kind of creepy in a way. Feeling another being squirming around inside of you can be very unsettling at times when you think about it.

The one house that we found that we could have seen ourselves living in is going into contract. There are no other houses on the market that we can really see ourselves living in, so it's kind of sad to see that one go. Hopefully when the new year comes there will be a flow of new houses for sale, and we can find one that appeals to us. Since we don't have any offers yet, there's really no rush, but it's a bit unnerving to not have any appealing options.

I hope everyone is doing well and keeping warm! Good night!

I've Been Neglecting My Blog!

I know, I'm sorry! lol! I should write more! Things have been busy . . . what are the highlights?

• Lots of "morning" sickness - hopefully it's going to pass soon!
• Fatigue is waning - I've been going to bed closer to 9:00 again lately.
• No noticeable belly yet, but that's expected with a first child.

I had an appointment yesterday. They're going to see me every 4 weeks for awhile now for the most part. Even though I'm not technically 14 weeks until tomorrow, they called yesterday my 14 week appointment. The intent was to check my blood pressure, check for protein in my urine (both of those screen for pre-eclampsia, which I'll talk about more in another post), and listen to baby's heartbeat. Well, baby wasn't being very cooperative, and the doctor couldn't get a good read on the heartbeat. She thought she hat it a couple of times, but it was gone again right away without her getting a good listen to make sure it was strong and steady. So, we moved to the ultrasound room! I'd just like to point out that I've already had twice as many ultrasounds now as most women get in their entire pregnancy! In any case, I was able to have an ultrasound on my abdomen - the first one! Yay! And baby was in there doing juuuuust fine! S/he was doing flips and rolling around and just being a squirmy little squirt, which is why the doctor couldn't get a good read on the heartbeat. The doctor said that s/he was looking great - the development was right on for the baby's age. She pointed out the spine to me during one of his/her flips. She also pointed out the ribcage. Then baby lifted his/her had up and it looked like s/he was waving to me! Of course, baby was probably just saying "Quit poking at me!", but I like to think s/he was waving. I also got to see some adorable little fingers with each one (except the thumb) very prominent. It was so neat!

After the appointment, I went back to work. I had to take a potty break a little later, and all of a sudden I was absolutely overwhelmed with the fact that this was real. It's really happening. My life will be completely and absolutely changed forever soon. There will not be any more nights of laying on the couch and playing video games all evening. I'm going to have to stop swearing so much. I'm going to have to prepare nutritious and thought out meals for a family now, rather than just grabbing whatever works for myself. There is going to be another human being that needs me, needs my attention, needs me to teach it things, etc. What have I gotten myself into?!?! I haven't completely calmed down quite yet either. I'm scared to death. But I certainly don't want to not be a mom to a human child. I'm just terrified of it. I hope I have enough patience to raise my child well. I don't want to be impatient or shout with the child like I do with the dogs. I yell at them a lot. I've been trying to be better about it, but they just don't seem to respond to anything else. Will that happen with the child? I really hope not. I don't like being a yeller. Well, I must go now. I promise to write more later. Soon later too, not later later. =)

H1N1 - November 10th, 2009

I was *finally* able to get my H1N1 vaccine yesterday. I've been trying to get one since they were first released (about a month ago). I'm glad to be protected - there have been several women on my pregnancy boards who have been just laid out with the virus. I can't afford to spend 4 weeks out sick, with one or two of those being in the hospital. No way! So now it's no longer a concern - hooray! That's one less thing to be stressing out about.

I'm Still Alive - November 8th, 2009

Just a quick note to say that I'm still alive, and all is still well here! I've been sick as can be for the past several weeks, so aside from working and taking care of my home, I've been sleeping pretty much all the rest of the time. I *think* things are starting to get better though, so hopefully I'll have more energy to partake in my hobbies (such as posting here) very soon. I am a now twelve weeks and four days into my pregnancy. According to some medical professionals, I'm in my second trimester now, though there is hardly consensus on when each trimester ends. Others say it ends after 13 or 14 weeks. Personally, it's not that big of a concern for me. =) I'm just happy to still be pregnant and to know that things are progressing. My little munchkin is about the size of my thumb right now. Isn't that cool?! OK, off to bed with me. It's past my bedtime. Yeah, bedtime has been between 7 - 8 PM for awhile now. Pathetic! Ha!

2nd Ultrasound - We have a heartbeat! - October 6th, 2009

Today we had our second ultrasound. I was so nervous going in, I thought I might just fall over. We were called back to the room right away, but then waited for what seemed like an eternity in the ultrasound room. In reality it was something like 15 minutes, but it felt like hours to us! Luckily the hubby was able to be there with me today. When Dr. RE came in, I was wound so tightly that I was surprised that he was able to do the ultrasound (ewwww). At first, I didn't see anything come up on the monitor. My heart dropped - I was certain that the pregnancy was just gone. Then it came up and I could see the black circle that is the gestational sac, but nothing in it. Then he turned it a little more, and there was my baby, plain as day. He steadied the sensor, and at first I couldn't see the heartbeat. Then it became clear. A little pulsing, throbbing, flickering spot in the middle of the baby. It was amazing to see it. I had watched countless videos on YouTube of other people's 7 - 8 week ultrasounds and the little heartbeats, but this was different. This one was my baby. Then the doctor took a couple of measurements from head to rump. Both measured 7 weeks and 6 days. I am currently 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant, so that was great news! Last time the results showed that the baby was one day behind size-wise, and now it is one day ahead. Yay for making up 2 days worth of growth in 2 weeks! Then the doctor let us hear the heartbeat (which I believe is just an audible representation of the visual image at this stage of the game). It was amazing to hear. A good heartbeat at this point is between 130 and 160 beats per minute (with higher being better). Our little munchkin came in at 150 bpm! So I don't know if this is just a new old wives' tale, but I've heard that a higher heartbeat (>155) is usually a girl, and a lower heartbeat (<145) is usually a boy. So this little booger is right in the middle at 150. No clues on the gender! Ha!

So all is well now. We are being released to Dr. OB, and can now be treated like any other pregnant couple. Wow! So if you'd like, take a look at these videos and see and listen to the heartbeat. We made it to this crucial point - we can tell the world now. We're as safe as we're going to get that this pregnancy isn't going to fail, so there's no reason to keep it a secret any longer. I think I'll probably wait until next week to do the big facebook announcement, just to savor the secret for a few days, but then we'll go public. Thank you all for reading along on this crazy journey. I'll still be posting, but now I can do so a bit less nervously. Now I can enjoy this pregnancy, even the exhaustion that I have and the vomiting that is still to come (only a little so far, it'll probably get worse before it gets better). So thank you, thank you, thank you! Hopefully you'll continue along with me on my new unexpected journey - that of pregnancy and motherhood!

Second Ultrasound is Tomorrow - October 5th, 2009

Tomorrow I go for my second ultrasound. We're supposed to get to see the baby's heartbeat. If we do, we're really in the clear. Dr. RE will release us back to Dr. OB and we'll no longer be monitored so closely. That's something I'm both looking forward to and frightened of. The good part is that I won't have to come in early, work late, and/or work evenings from home to make up the time that I miss from work. The bad part is that I won't have reassurances that everything is going well on a regular basis. I guess in a couple of months I will start to feel movement, and that will help me feel better about the whole thing. I just need to be patient and trust that all is well. That's hard to do after everything we've been through though.

Meanwhile, I find it very interesting that I've not gained a pound yet, though I have gained over an inch on my waist. Actually, the waist measurement is two weeks old - I wonder if it's more now. The weight is only 2 days old though, but after last night and today, that may change. I had to have a second dinner last night! I was just hanging out and winding down around 9:30, and I just HAD to have some chic'n nuggets (soy-based) with hot sauce and some cheese. I guess I was craving protein! Then today with lunch I just had to have an ice cream cookie! YUM! I'm still regretting it though. That's the first huge dose of sugar I've had in awhile, and it really upset my tummy. Bleh. I guess it's bland food for dinner for me tonight.