Last day of Clomid - June 12, 2011

Today was my last day of Clomid for this cycle. 5 days at 100 mg, and none of the nasty side effects that I had last time! Yay! Well, I did get some headaches, but that is so minor compared to the hot flashes, emotional spells, headaches, and nausea from last time. My ultrasound is scheduled for Friday morning. Hopefully they will find 2 - 3 good sized follicles and a nice thick lining for the embryo to nestle into. Depending on what they find, the IUI will be scheduled for either Sunday or Monday morning of next week - eeek! It's just so exciting for it to be coming up so soon again. And this time it feels so different. I don't have all of the sorrow and loneliness that I felt the first time through these procedures. I feel hopeful, and confident that even if the IUIs do not work, we will still be pregnant by the end of the year. And that's OK. Even though that is 6 months away, it really doesn't feel that long. Sure, I would prefer to be pregnant sooner, but if that isn't what happens, I feel perfectly fine with that. I feel more of a sense of longing for all of the wonderful friends I have made over these past few years who are still waiting for their take-home baby. I just cannot stomach the heartache and loss that so many wonderful women (and men) go through, cycle after cycle. I feel so aware of it now, now that I know what I have learned from Rosalena in this past year. I wish there was something that I could do to help them fill their arms with the child they are dreaming of. Or even if there was a way to lessen their pain as they wait and experience disappointment after disappointment. I guess I'm just rambling now, sorry. Well, on to another week filled with promise and hope.

RoBet's First Birthday Pictures!

See! I promised I'd put some up, and here they are!

Treatment Begins Anew - June 8, 2011

As it turns out, Dr RE agreed with our plan. He still thinks we have a very low chance of success with the IUI treatment, but it worked before, so *shrug*. Rather than ordering a new semen analysis, the doc suggested we just find out with the first treatment. The cost is pretty much the same to do the analysis as the treatment, so again, *shrug*.

In any case, today is cycle day 3 (CD3), so I have a blood draw to test my FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone - make sure I'm not menopausal early) and then I start the Clomid! The doc has me on 100 mg again this time, like I was on in cycles 2 & 3 last time. It's kind of exciting, but I remember all of the nasty side effects. As if it's not already hot enough, hot flash city, here I come! And the headaches - bleh. But then I think of my awesome daughter and realize just how worth it all of this is. No amount of discomfort can dissuade me from working toward another awesome little munchkin. I need to get better at blogging from home, as that is where my camera and pictures are. I promise to get better, soon, since additional upcoming changes in my life will soon allow me more time for these things! More on that to come . . . for now - wish me luck with the test and the hormones!

The Journey Continues - May 2011

It has been one year since my perfect little peanut entered the world. My experiences in motherhood have been nothing short of amazing. I have found that I am a better person now than I have ever been (if I do say so myself). I have a deep well of patience with my daughter than I ever thought possible. I *love* being a mom.

For this reason, as well as a few other, less important reasons, we are continuing on to the next leg of our unexpected journey. On May 31, almost exactly 2 years after we saw him the first time, we have a consultation with Dr. RE to form a game plan for treatments to conceive again. We actually began 'trying' at 9 months postpartum, but we expected very little from trying on our own due to our past experiences. I've been tracking/charting my cycles, and they're still erratic, but hopefully going to become more regular quickly. I breastfed until RoBet was 9 months old, so it is perfectly normal for my cycles to still be erratic, so no additional worries there.

What we think will be the go-forward plan is 3 cycles of IUI with Clomid again, like last time. Our chances for success were so small, but it still worked! If we can be that lucky once, it just might happen again. So, we're willing to give it a shot again this time, provided that nothing has gotten worse with either of us since 2 years ago. We assume that Dr. RE will order a slew of tests again to ensure that everything is as it was. We have to get a Cycle Day 3 FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) test done for our insurance coverage to ensure that I have not entered menopause early, in which case they will not cover treatments. This was not a problem before, so I have no concerns that it will be now. I think we'll also do a progesterone test to make sure I have adequate levels to sustain a pregnancy, should one occur. Lastly, I hope he will order a semen analysis for my husband to make sure that his levels haven't deteriorated further. Assuming that those all go well (along with any other tests he may order that I haven't assumed already), we'll jump right in with the IUI next month!

It is the strangest feeling, this 'baby fever' as it is sometimes called. Before RoBet, I wanted to be pregnant and have children, yes. However, the feeling I have now is so intense, so emotionally based, so raw. I cannot explain the difference adequately. It's funny, because I really did not like being pregnant at all, and now I long for it intensely. So, here's hoping that this method of treatment works for us again and we are pregnant in the next 3 - 4 months! Wish us luck!

A Happy Birthday - May 23, 2011

We had a lovely birthday yesterday. RoBet turned 1. *sniff* It was bittersweet. She is such a little kid now, rather than a baby. She is walking, responding to conversation, trying to talk, interacting with people and toys and much, much more. She fills out her changing table now. When her head is nearly touching the end, her toes reach the other end. She fills out her crib much more now too. I look at her and realize that she is not a baby anymore, and it makes me proud and sad at the same time. I think she is funny, smart, and happy too. She laughs at my silliness, figures out new ways of causing mischief, and figures out problems. Like I said, she is such a kid now.

We spent the day together yesterday for her first birthday. We didn't do much, mainly because of the rain (it rained almost all day here). So, we watched it rain for a little while. That was peaceful. We practiced walking too - she loves to walk while you hold her hand or pushes along behind her toy, though she walks fairly well without any support too. We had a simple lunch together, and then she had a nap while Mommy played video games and tidied up. Then we went to the store and picked up fresh fruits and veggies for the week. After dinner, we gave her a strawberry shortcake roll with a candle in it and sang her 'happy birthday'. It took her awhile to realize that it was a treat for eating. She looked at it, sitting there on the plate that she's never used, then looked at us, then back at the plate, then back at us. After encouraging her to eat it with words and motions, I picked it up and held it out to her to taste. She took a nibble and her face lit up! Then she dove in with both hands. Her favorite part was the icing (just like Mommy), which she proceeded to suck off of her fingers, sometimes four at a time.

Although not eventful, it was a happy birthday for both RoBet and Mommy. Now we are looking forward to Saturday, which will be her birthday party. We have about 20 people coming to celebrate the day, and it should be a fun afternoon!

What a Difference a Year Makes - May 18, 2011

As GDad pointed out in a recent comment, anyone who is still out there checking in from time to time is due an update. RoBet will be 1 year old next Monday, May 23rd. She is thriving and happy and just a joy, and I could not be more proud to be her mommy. This year has just gone by so quickly. OK, OK, I know that it has not gone by more quickly than any other year of my life, it just feels that way. We are planning a small birthday party for her with close family and friends over Memorial Day weekend. It should be nice - I hope the weather cooperates! We've had so much rain here lately! Her Grammy and Papa have bought her an awesome swingset that we're planning to put together on her birthday! We'll have lots of extra hands to help from all of our friends - they are just the best! So hopefully it will come together quickly and she can be swinging and sliding by the end of the day.

In other news, Grammy and Papa have decided to buy a house about 5 minutes away from us! We are so excited! They will be close enough to get together for dinner, see each other for a walk, etc. Yay!

I have much more to update on, but this will have to suffice for now. Hope all is well with anyone still out there!

An eventful evening (part 2 - watch me last hubby!)

So I'm posting these mostly for my husband who is away on business in Japan. He missed being present for a few pretty cool things tonight, but at least I caught them on video! I am sharing them here for all to enjoy, but mostly to make sure he can! This one takes an unexpected twist. Make sure you watch the other one first, hubby! Oh, and it looks like the choppiness and missing audio is gone now - huzzah!

An eventful evening (part 1)

New accomplishment tonight - grasping with intent! Look at how she decides she's going to grasp something, puts her arm up, opens her hand, and then she grasps it! Amazing! And I like where the ring ends up - how does it get there? haha! Sorry the video is choppy - I don't know why it runs that way. And the audio seems to have disappeared. Oh well!

Off Topic

I have been putting off getting my wedding and engagement rings appraised for our insurance because I have just had so much else going on. I finally got around to it on Tuesday. I was told that my rings would be ready for pickup on Friday and they would call me to let me know what time. I didn't really want to leave my rings for three whole days (other places prices were higher but would have them ready for pickup the same day or next day. This place is a small local business though, so I chose them for price, proximity, and the quaint family feel). I still had no call as of today, so I just called the store. They told me they should be ready by next Tuesday. Next. Tuesday. I'm very upset! It's hard to be without my rings for so long - I wear them all the time, every day. Imagine going without underwear (assuming you wear it) for a whole week. That's what it feels like. And why in the hell does it take 7.5 days to appraise two rings? Grrrr.

Just an Observation

I went back to work last week. It wasn't too bad. I missed my little girlie like crazy, but that is to be expected. In any case, I am breastfeeding my baby. If any of you are working mothers, or close to a woman when she had her baby and went back to work, you probably know about breast pumping. I have been pumping several times a day at work as my workplace is very good about encouraging breastfeeding for new mothers for all of the health benefits to baby. And if baby is healthy, mom doesn't have to miss lots of work to care for baby. Sorry, I digress. My observation is this - when my breast pump is working, it makes an interesting sound. In my head, it sounds like the pump is saying "breasto - breasto - breasto". I amuse myself by making up other phrases that it may be "saying" as it works. In any case, I found myself walking around the house today making wooshing sounds and thinking "breasto-breasto-breasto". I think I need more sleep.