My little monster - October 31st, 2011

So here is my little monster for Halloween.  Isn't she just the cutest little monster?  And when she walks, she looks quite a bit like 'Boo' from Monsters Inc.  I hope you all had a fantastic Halloween!

Beta #4 Results - October 31st, 2011

Sorry for the delay!  Yesterday was very busy with trick-or-treaters and my kiddo has been a BEAR today!  Tantrums are only 1 minute apart and last 10 - 20 minutes apiece!  Ack! 

In good news my beta came back quickly yesterday.  On Friday it was 395, so if doubling every 48 hours continued, it would have been around 1200.  As it turns out, it was 1819 - it really took off!  Hooray!  So then the nurse wanted to schedule the ultrasound.  I was expecting it for this week, next Monday at the latest.  She asked me how I felt about the 18th!  I was shocked for it to be so far away!  She said that since everything looks good with this pregnancy and they have no concerns at this time, there is no reason to have an earlier ultrasound.  We'll be able to see more as I'll be nearly 8 weeks by that time, but man that is so far away!  So I guess it's good that there is no concern at this time - but I wanna' see my kidney bean! 

Beta #3 Results - October 28th, 2011

I had beta #3 drawn this morning, and already got the results back!  My RE's nurse really is awesome.  Today it was 395, which is fantastic!  That means it was just a little higher increase than doubling in 48 hours.  Woohoo!  I do have to go back again on Monday though (boooo).  And once it gets over 1100, they will schedule the ultrasound.  If all goes right, it will be around 1200 on Monday.  I thought they would wait until I was 6 weeks along to do the first ultrasound, because then they would have a higher probability to see the heartbeat.  So I'm not sure when they will schedule the ultrasound for - if it's the next day or a week out or what once it reaches that 1100 mark.  Because last time was so filled with uncertainty and fear of miscarriage and then ectopic, everything was just a whirlwind to me.  This time it feels much calmer, much more scheduled than last time.  At least it has since Wednesday.  Heh.  I am feeling so much more confident now though - I am no longer overcome by fear of losing this pregnancy.  I feel quite confident at this point that sometime around the first week of July, we will be meeting one healthy little baby (c'mon boy!).  This IVF process sure hasn't been what I expected it to be and it didn't feel like I expected it to feel, but we are on our way to the end goal.  And that feels pretty darn good.

Beta #2 - October 27th, 2011

Beta #2 came back much better than I expected.  185!  I was so worried it wouldn't go up at all, and it nearly doubled in 48 hours!  So, this little bugger is sticking in there so far!  Woohoo!  I do have to go back for one more round of bloodwork tomorrow - repeat quantitative beta and progesterone.  So I'm feeling much more confident now.  I can't wait to get past this phase and to the part where we see the little bugger on he ultrasound and then later feel her/him moving around.  First comes more exhausting and puking though.  heh.  I'll take it!

Beta results and onset of symptoms - October 25th, 2011

Teh interwebz ate my post!  I posted this morning, but I don't see it here now.  Hrumph.  And there isn't even a draft of it.  Phooey.  I'll recap what I had written.

Beta came in at 96.5.  That is pregnant, and not terrible, but not great.  With RoBet it was 233 at this same point (14 DPO).  233 was very high for a singleton though, so 100 isn't bad for just one bun in the oven.  What bugs me is that I got such an early BFP, that my levels should be higher now.  Some of you may want to tune out now - it's about to get technical.  The sensitivity of the tests that I used (Clearblue Easy Digital and Wondfos (also known as Amazon cheapies) is 25 (units aren't really important for this discussion).  Beta levels are supposed to double every two days.  So, if we assume that my level of hcG was 25 on Thursday, it can be assumed that a double was 50 on Saturday and 100 on Monday.  Since my level was slightly under 100, it HAD to be at 25 on Thursday for everything to be OK and doubling appropriately.  But what are the chances of it being exactly that and being picked up on the test?  Wouldn't it make more sense that it was 35 or 50?  If so, I am clearly not doubling my levels every 48 hours.  *sigh*  End result?  I absolutely hate this part of the process.  My levels did not double with RoBet (for reasons I can speculate on at another time), and it caused me no end of fear and stress.  If my level that they draw tomorrow (I'll get the results back Thursday) doesn't double, I'm going to ask that they just not do any more betas for a few days at least, hopefully for a week.  I just don't want to keep doing this every 2 - 3 days for two weeks like last time.  I don't want to over analyze each number and what it could mean.  I don't want to expect to miscarry - if it happens, there is nothing that will stop it, even if I know it's coming.  So, let it just happen then if that is what is going to be.  I don't want to worry that it might be coming for weeks on end.  Let me just be happy being pregnant, and if it happens, so be it.  For now though, I can still be optimistic, because I'm having symptoms!  Yay for feeling like shit!  Yesterday I was so exhausted that I took a nap during the day and went to bed early.  That is unusual for me - I prefer to be awake and doing things for as much time as possible.  I try to get 7 -8 hours of sleep a night, but that's usually enough.  Not yesterday!  And then, RoBet woke me up crying again last night (she's teething again) and I had to cut my time that I sat and rocked her short, because man I had to puke!  And I did.  Lots.  At midnight.  So, exhaustion and morning sickness are here.  Last time they waited until about 8 weeks to set in, so this is a bit on the early side!  But, hopefully they won't last as long this time, assuming the pregnancy is viable.  OK, that's the short version of my earlier post.  Off to bed for me!

Well - October 21st, 2011

My in-laws are coming to visit this weekend, so I was doing some cleanup yesterday after I put RoBet to bed.  My husband has been working second shift all this week, so I was on my own last night.  Having all of your evenings alone tends to make one a bit stir-crazy and do things they might not otherwise do.  So, around 8:00, I decided I needed to pee on a stick.  I took the test and after about 2 minutes, looked over and didn't see a second line.  I went about organizing some stuff and got some laundry out of the dryer and looked again.  I saw what I thought was a very faint second line.  Very faint, but there.  For sure there.  I took some pictures and tweaked them and really felt that second line was there, so I wanted to follow up with a digital test, which is pretty sensitive and says "pregnant" or "not pregnant", so it's a pretty sure thing.  But, I had dumped my concentrated urine out of the dixie cup, so I had to wait until I had to pee again.  And drinking lots of water to make yourself have to pee is no good, because then it will be diluted and might not produce the same result on the test at this low level of hcG in there.  So, I waited.  Finally about 9:45 or so I was able to work up enough to test again.  And the digital test flashes a little hour glass while it works.  It was working, and working, and working.  I swear, I started at it for like 3 full minutes before leaving the bathroom and folding some laundry.  I came back in and the damn thing was still working!  Arg!  So I impatiently folded some more laundry (I'll tell you, impatiently folded laundry looks and awful lot like patiently folded laundry).  After about 8 minutes total, I came back in and finally it popped up - "pregnant".  Well.  So much for not feeling pregnant.  You just never know, I guess.  So, I am now 11 days pregnant.  heh.  My due date is July 5th, 2012 - perfect for a little 'firecracker'.  This whole thing just feels surreal, it really does.  I cannot believe I have a little sac of cells burrowed into my uterus right now and growing.  I look at my daughter and try to remember what it felt like when she was just a little sac of cells burrowing in.  It feels like so long ago, even though it was just over 2 years ago.  I'm going to be a mother of 2, and that just kicks ass.

I sure don't feel pregnant - October 20th, 2011

So I sure don't feel pregnant.  I feel like I remember 'feeling pregnant' by this point the first time around.  I'm probably just psyching myself out, but I am just feeling like this didn't work.  I will be testing tomorrow morning.  That will be 7 days past 5 day transfer (7dp5dt) or the equivalent of 12 days past ovulation (12dpo).  I testing with RoBet at 11dpo and got a negative, then tested again at 13dpo and got a positive.  So, tomorrow is right between those and should hopefully give me a big fat positive result.  I hope.  I'll keep you posted.

Progesterone Results - October 18th, 2011

My nurse gave me a call this morning with my progesterone level results.  They want it to be over 15, and it is 32.6, so we are good to go with that this month.  We will continue the progesterone in oil shots at the same level for now.  If we do wind up being pregnant, this will continue until December 8th.  Fun.  My butt sure is sore on both sides at this point, so it will be a long few months of soreness, but it's worth it if it works out.  For now, we just keep waiting and hoping for the best.

A little blue - October 17th, 2011

I'm a little blue today (as are my embies that remain).  All 8 were going strong as of Saturday, so we had high expectations for how many would be able to be frozen.  Of the 7 that we did not transfer, only 3 made it to freezing.  We lost the grade 3, which we expected, but then also 2 of the grade 2s and one of the grade 1s.  It is the loss of the grade 1 that hits me especially hard, because if one of the perfect embryos wasn't strong enough to make it to be frozen, how likely is it that the single one that is inside me will make it to become a baby?  I am seriously doubting my decision to put back only 1 embryo, and maybe I'd even go so far as to say I am regretting it.  I'm trying to stay hopeful, but I am a worrier by nature, and am very worried right now.  I had my blood drawn to check my progesterone level today, so I should know what that comes back at tomorrow morning.  Hopefully it is nice and high.

I'm PUPO! October 15th, 2011

So as of shortly before 10:00 today, I am pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO).  It was another challenging experience at the RE's office.  My RE was still not in today, so I had the same doc that I've had for the last few appointments do the transfer.  We arrived at 8:55, as we were told to be there by 9:05 and our transfer time was to be 9:20.  So as 9:05 came and went, we were getting anxious.  I had chugged 20 ounces of water between 8:25 - 8:30 so that I had a nice full bladder for the procedure.  They do an on-the-tummy ultrasound for the transfer, and the full bladder helps them see the uterus better.  Needless to say, the urge to urinate was very strong by 9:20.  We were finally called back to the room at 9:25 - 20 minutes after we were expected to be called back and given the report on our embryos.  We then proceeded to wait another 15 minutes, and by then, I was getting really upset.  I needed to pee very badly, and I expected my embryos would be in me at 9:20 exactly.  These things are usually a science right down to the minute, so waiting was very unexpected.  The doc finally came in and gave us our report on our embryos.  Hubby and I had a very lengthy discussion last night over sushi about what we would do in all sorts of scenarios.  When that report was put in front of me, all my planning went out the window and I was just stammering and uncertain.  Here's how it broke out:

• 1 grade 1 blastocyst
• 1 grade 1 early blastocyst
• 1 grade 2 early blastocyst
• 1 grade 1 morula
• 3 grade 2 morulas
• 1 grade 3 morula

What I did not expect was that so many of them would still be morulas instead of blastocysts and that all 8 would still be growing and dividing.  I had thought about putting back the top embryo and the bottom embryo.  In fact, as of going to bed last night, that is what we had planned to do.  The doc said he would recommend putting back the top 1 or 2 embryos, either decision would be fine.  So what did we decide?  Well, picturing my pregnancy, delivery, and the future of our family, I picture just one at a time.  I picture having one baby to add to our family in 9 months.  I also picture not doing this process again, so sacrificing the extra 12% chance of success was difficult to do, but in the end, we opted to transfer our one top-of-the-line blastocyst.  We hope most if not all of the others make it to be frozen (well, they will not freeze the grade 3, so that one is a loss), but we really have all of our eggs in one basket.  Err, all of our eggs in one egg I guess.  So now we wait.  I have my progesterone level checked on Monday to ensure that the progesterone in oil shots that I am receiving are doing the trick.  If not, they will probably up my dosage.  That would not be fun.  These shots hurt!  And, if I am pregnant, they will continue until December 8th.  Lovely.  heh.  OK, well, that's my update for now.  Now I lay on the couch and rest for the next 2 days so that perfect little emby can settle in.