Saturday, August 27, 2011

So many fears - August 27th, 2011

So I've been a bit of an emotional wreck today. I'm filled with so many fears, many of them conflicting with one another. I'm scared that this procedure won't work. I'm scared that it will. I'm scared of the procedure itself. I'm scared of all of the injections. I'm scared of the egg retrieval. I'm scared of going through it all and having no high quality embryos to transfer. I'm scared of having too many good embryos and not knowing what to do with them. I'm scared to transfer only 1 and have it not work. I'm scared to transfer 2 and have them both stick. I'm scared of how emotional the meds are going to make me. I'm scared of being pregnant with twins. I'm scared of raising twins and a toddler. I'm scared of going bankrupt trying this process multiple times and it still not working. I'm scared to be a mother of 2. I'm scared to forever be a mother of only 1. I'm scared that RoBet will have a hard time accepting the new baby. I'm scared that she won't transfer to her new room with a bed well before the baby comes. I know there are many other things I'm scared of right now that I'm forgetting to write. I just hope I'm brave and strong enough to make it through this without driving myself mad. I know many have, so I'm sure I can too. I just don't feel very strong right now.

Friday, August 26, 2011

And so it begins - August 26th, 2011

This time it is definitely going to happen - no lucking out at the 11th hour for us this time around. Today is cycle day 1 (CD1). We have our antibiotics and birth control pills in hand and have been directed to begin taking them on Sunday of this week. We've paid our deposit, had our IVF therapy session (mandated by our doc for all IVF patients), pre-authorized the procedure and medications with our insurance, taken all sorts of blood tests and lady-bits tests, and now the time is finally here. We have officially started our first IVF-ICSI cycle. What lies ahead, you may ask. Well, you bet'cha I'm gonna' tell ya'.

Next week (8/28 - 9/3): Expect a call from our insurance company confirming that the RE's office has contacted them and that everything is set up from their perspective. Expect a call from our prescription insurance for the same purpose. Expect a call from Dr. RE's nurse to set up our protocol meeting, where we will discuss what medications I will be taking, how many injections there will be each day, when and how to do them, and all sorts of other details. This appointment should occur either next week or early the following week on either Tuesday or Wednesday of each week. Immediately after that appointment, we will have 'injections class' where we will learn about where to place each of the medications, the best methods for doing the injections as painlessly as possible, and all sorts of other needle-related fun that I am unaware of at this point.

Week of 9/4 - 9/10: Continue birth control pills. Begin Lupron at the end of the week (injection).

Week of 9/11 - 9/17: Continue BCPs & Lupron injections.

Week of 9/18 - 9/24: Stop BCPs but continue Lupron injections. Expect period this week due to stopping the BCPs. 9/23 will be my baseline lab (b/w) and ultrasound (u/s) where they will check to ensure that my ovaries are nice and quiet and see how many follicles are ready to start growing. Begin stims (1 or 2 different injections) on 9/24.

Week of 9/25 - 10/1: Continue with smaller dose of Lupron and stim, stim, stim those follicles! 9/28 another lap and u/s appointment. 9/30 begins the window of possible egg retrieval (ER), but most likely will be a week or so later. 10/1 will be another b/w and u/s appointment.

Week of 10/2 - 10/8: Expect ER this week. Appointments will be every day or every other day for b/w and u/s this week, depending on how my body responds. Injections will be adjusted with every appointment to ensure good growth, but try to not overstimulate me (will talk about possible repercussions of over-stimulation later).

Week of 10/9 - 10/15: Expect ET early this week, if it wasn't late in the prior week.

Then the beta (blood test to check if pregnant) will be 2 weeks from ER. This will likely be around the 23rd of October or so, if I had to guess. So that's pretty much my life for the next 2 months. It's going to be a wild ride.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Nothin' much to report - August 22nd, 2011

Sorry I've been so quiet. I haven't had much to report lately. My sonohistogram (SHG) came out a-OK, just like we thought it would. I was a little sad that we didn't do IUI this month because when the doc was scanning my bits during the SHG, he quickly peeked at the ovaries and I briefly saw 4 good looking follicles in there that were wasted. =( Today I called my RE's nurse to get the counts on hubby's sample that he provided to be frozen before the process (a mandatory step just in case there are zero sperm available on 'go day'). The count was 1.6 million before the wash. That is the count we had after the wash that resulted in RoBet, and it was an abysmal post-wash count. Of those, 18% were motile. That means, had we done IUI, we would have had around 280,000 for the procedure. So, I no longer feel quite as sad about not doing the IUI this month - there was just no chance for it to work anyway. So I'm just waiting for cycle day 1 to come so that we can get started on the antibiotics and birth control pills. It feels so exciting and yet so far away right now! The process takes about 8 weeks, and in infertility time, that is a looooong time to wait! I am cautiously optimistic. I will feel better once we get started I think. I just hate not moving forward. I do not do well being inactive in moving toward my goals. We will be soon though, and if it's anything like my pregnancy and RoBet's first year, it will pass by all too quickly and I'll be left wondering where the heck the time went!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Just another day - August 9th, 2011

So I wouldn't say that I have this stay at home mom thing down yet, but I'm getting there. I think I'm working too hard though. haha! I am working very hard when RoBet naps, and when she is content with her toys too. I am mostly sorting, organizing, and generally getting the house up to a higher standard of organization for now. Luckily, I haven't had to do any 'standard' cleaning yet, meaning that all of my energy could be spent on 1. catching up on undone chores (like half a dozen extra loads of laundry) and 2. special projects (thanks Mom for making that happen!). I have begun to clean out the two desks in our loft. We are going to condense down to the one smaller desk and get rid of the bulky old computer desk. It's one of those $99 sauder wood contraptions that really isn't meant to be moved at all without falling apart. Amazingly it has made the journey from my first apartment after college to my husband's first house, our second beautiful house that we left last year, and to our current home. I'm ready to say goodbye though without mourning it. Hopefully someone on Freecycle is interested in coming to get it and help my husband get it out of the loft. I plan for that to be gone by the end of this week. Then I will begin removing all of the books from the bookshelves in the large guest bedroom. Once the shelves are empty, we will move them into the loft. They won't all fit, and I'm not sure how they will look there at all. Time will tell, but this is really the best solution for our 'library'. There's actually a little nook in the banisters where we plan on putting a recliner from the guest room too. The second recliner and rocking chair will no longer have a home soon though. Again, hopefully Freecycle can help with that. I figure that the book and shelf moving will take me at least through next week, probably even the week after that. Once that is done, I will have to clean out the closet in that guest room. The small guest room closet is already crammed with bins of baby clothes, extra blankets, pillows, sheets, and our empty luggage. So, I'm not sure where the extra baby stuff and my scrapbooking stuff will go. Again, time will tell. heh. Once all of this is done, we will begin shopping for 'big girl' furniture of RoBet. *sniff* It tears me up just thinking about it. But we want her to be transitioned to a bed by the time that baby #2 comes along, so we've got to get the room ready! I don't know what my next project will be once this is done, but I think it will take me long enough to complete that I will think of something new by the time it becomes an issue. Hopefully I'll be pregnant by then, and my next project will be growing a kiddo!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

How quickly things change - August 2nd, 2011

So things have changed drastically since I last posted a little over 2 weeks ago.

1. I am no longer employed. I have become a full-time stay at home mom. It doesn't really feel real just yet. I've only been doing this job for 2 days and it is exhausting, but fulfilling, work.

2. IUI #2(5) was a BFN, which was totally expected.

3. We had our IVF consultation today. The expectation was that we were doing IUI #3(6) this cycle and next cycle we would begin IVF. However, Dr. RE told us today that we need to do another test this time for the IVF since I have carried a pregnancy. They want to check my uterus to make sure it is still in good shape and that I have no cysts. Apparently it is common for the uterus to change permanently following a successful pregnancy and delivery. The problem with this is the timing. I will be on vacation the rest of this week and Dr. RE is on vacation all next week, and he wants to do the test himself. I would be having the next IUI somewhere in the second half of next week, and the test cannot be performed after the IUI because if there was an embryo or an early pregnancy, the solution used in the test would wash it away. So, we had to decide whether to do IUI #3 and put of IVF for another month, or to skip IUI #3 to keep the IVF cycle on track. The IVF timing would mean that we start meds for suppression around the beginning of September, with stimulation beginning in October, and an egg retrieval around the middle of October. That cycle would end around the end of October. That is 3 months from now, and that is the absolute soonest we can get there. If we tack on another month for the IUI and the test, that means the end of November. We talked it over, and although it's hard to make the call, we've decided to pass on IUI #3. It was hard to do, since that was our magic number the first time in ttc, but the odds are even lower this time. We are at a .5% chance of success with our numbers where they are now. With IVF-ICSI, we are at a 44 - 56% chance of success, depending on if we transfer 1 or 2 embryos. I'll talk about those details more later, as it is getting late and we leave on vacation early in the morning. So, we are out for this cycle, with a chance for success of a natural cycle somewhere around 0.001%. That makes me very sad, and I am very nervous about IVF. It is scary to think about the process and how invasive it is, but it is our best shot at getting a sibling for RoBet and a second sweet baby for us. So, that's the plan. Wish us luck!