Saturday, August 27, 2011

So many fears - August 27th, 2011

So I've been a bit of an emotional wreck today. I'm filled with so many fears, many of them conflicting with one another. I'm scared that this procedure won't work. I'm scared that it will. I'm scared of the procedure itself. I'm scared of all of the injections. I'm scared of the egg retrieval. I'm scared of going through it all and having no high quality embryos to transfer. I'm scared of having too many good embryos and not knowing what to do with them. I'm scared to transfer only 1 and have it not work. I'm scared to transfer 2 and have them both stick. I'm scared of how emotional the meds are going to make me. I'm scared of being pregnant with twins. I'm scared of raising twins and a toddler. I'm scared of going bankrupt trying this process multiple times and it still not working. I'm scared to be a mother of 2. I'm scared to forever be a mother of only 1. I'm scared that RoBet will have a hard time accepting the new baby. I'm scared that she won't transfer to her new room with a bed well before the baby comes. I know there are many other things I'm scared of right now that I'm forgetting to write. I just hope I'm brave and strong enough to make it through this without driving myself mad. I know many have, so I'm sure I can too. I just don't feel very strong right now.

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