Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nuh-Uh (Part 2) - September 22, 2009

The following takes place this morning, approximately 8:45 AM
*ring ring*
"Hello Pixnlil. This is Nurse M from Dr. RE's office."
"We have the results of your lab work in."
*thinking: sure, lay it one me, I just hope this is over soon* "Yes?"
"Your hCG was 3335."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Your hCG was 3335."
"Nuh-uh. Really?!"
"Yes, really."
*slightly irritated* "Yes, really. There's a problem. With numbers that stall out and then jump like that - your recent doubling rate is quicker than 2 days - there is a good chance that it is an ectopic pregnancy. You need to come in right away for an ultrasound to make sure it's not tubal."
"Really? That's . . . I mean . . . I was expecting you to say 200 or something!"
"Please don't get so excited yet. We need you to come in today for an ultrasound to make sure it's in the right place."
*we proceed to work out a time a few hours later after my meetings were over*

What the doctor found was a lovely little fetus, right in the uterus (where it should be). He saw the yolk sac as well as the gestational sac, and they measured at five and a half weeks - precisely how far along I am! So the pregnancy is not tubal - it's just right. And it's not small - it's just right.

I am in so much shock right now, I cannot even adequately describe it. I was supposed to be miscarrying any day now!!!!! But I won't be. In fact, everything looked so right, that I don't need to have any more blood drawn. I go back in two weeks and Dr RE expects to see a fetal pole and a heartbeat. Right now we are 70 - 80% certain that I won't miscarry. Once they see the heartbeat, that will jump to about 95% certainty. From being 99% certain that I would miscarry. Wow.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Waiting to Miscarry Sucks - September 21, 2009

Last night I had some pretty intense cramping, but it only lasted about 20 minutes. I thought for sure that the miscarriage was starting, but there wasn't any blood. So as of this morning, I am still just waiting to begin miscarrying. I go into the lab shortly to have my blood drawn again to see where the levels are now. Hopefully they fall fast so that we can get this over with and start looking forward again. This just sucks. I hope the pain isn't too bad. I've heard mixed reports about the amount of pain, but consistently I've heard that the amount of blood is just unbelievable. I also discovered that 1 in 4 of all pregnancies - not just those of infertile couples - results in miscarriage. That's a startlingly high number. It has never impacted my family or any of my friends that have had babies, so it seems so odd to me that the number is so high. My heart goes out to all of those women who have been through this, and all of those who will go through it in the future. It just plain sucks.

Friday, September 18, 2009

A Different Kind of Waiting - September 18th, 2009

I'm on to a new kind of waiting. A very unpleasant kind. I am now waiting for my baby to detach from my uterus and pass from my body. My level barely rose - only 10% in 3 days to about 670. The thought is that it probably topped out a few days ago and is now starting to decline. I will go back on Monday to confirm that. One more needle stick to go with all of the holes and bruises on my arm, since only one vein shows itself anymore. I honestly never dreamed that this would happen to me. I thought that once my husband's swimmers were successful at reaching and penetrating my egg, we'd be home free. That is not the case it would seem. There isn't any reason that they can give me for why this is happening. It just happens. Why does all the bad stuff "just happen" to me? I feel so beat up right now. One week ago I had to take the day off of work because I was so elated that I couldn't focus. Today I am so far from elated, that I barely even remember the meaning of the word. Why me? I know, a stupid, pointless question that really doesn't have an answer. But still, why me?

Waiting - September 18th, 2009

I am waiting to get my results back from my last beta test. I've been dealing with the wait fairly well up until this morning. Now I'm a bit of a wreck. I couldn't sleep very well, so I've been up since 3:30 this morning, with a brief 30 minute nap after that. My husband is off to Japan on a business trip, which thankfully will only be for two weeks instead of the original four. I hope I get my results back in time to call him with the good news before his flight takes off. I'm starving, nauseous, and exhausted, yet I can't eat or sleep. Fun. I just hope they call around 7:45 like they did the first time I was waiting for results rather than waiting until nearly 9:00 like the second time. I just might call them if I don't hear anything by 8:00. I hate to be pushy, but I really need to know so that I can eat some breakfast!! I really could use some peace of mind about now.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thoughts - September 17th, 2009

Just a few things to mention. Today is my 4th anniversary. Happy anniversary hubby - I love you and I hope that we get good news tomorrow that our family is going to grow for sure.

Next, I'm feeling hopeful today. Why? Because I threw up this morning! Yay! Hooray! Huzzah! I know, it's such a strange feeling to take vomiting as a positive sign, but for me right now it really is. It wasn't much - I am normally a marathon vomiter. I know, TMI right? But honestly, I never throw up just once. So this morning it was just once, and just a little, and all water, but still! I threw up - yay!

Last point that I wanted to make is that I apparently cannot count. The amount of time lapsed between Monday's blood draw and today's blood draw is 3 days, not 4. So, the count that we're looking for when I get the results of my third beta back tomorrow is 1836 (which was the minimum number in four days from before). The minimum number that I can accept and still be hopeful that this is a viable pregnancy is around 1250. As long as the number is over 1000, we will be scheduling the first ultrasound for next week. We'll be looking to make sure that the gestational sac is attached to the uterus and not somewhere else, to make sure there is a good yolk sac, and that there is a gestational pole (aka my baby!). If thing have really improved, or we wait until very late next week for the ultrasound, we just might see a heartbeat. It would still be early to detect it, but it is certainly a possibility. So everyone keep your fingers crossed for me, or toss a coin in a fountain, or stand on your head, or whatever lucky superstitious thing you do. I'll keep you all posted!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

2nd Beta Results - September 15th, 2009

The results of my second beta test came back this morning. The results were not good. I was at 233 before, and the doctor would have liked to see my numbers at least over 700, preferably at 800 - 1000. So coming in at 612 was not good. They want me to do another retest on Thursday. At that time, they'd like to see a minimum of 1836, and preferably closer to 2400 to feel confidant that the pregnancy will continue. As long as the results come back over 1000, they will schedule an ultrasound to take a look and see if they can find out what is going on in there. I'm so afraid right now. We beat the odds by getting pregnant, but that doesn't mean it's OK to lose it. I'm so scared.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Thoughts -September 14th, 2009

Ugh, so the seed of worry grew quite a bit overnight. I could hardly sleep - I laid in bed awake listening to my husband snore for most of the night, thinking about all of the worst case scenarios. I finally fell asleep a little after 1:00, but then woke up at 3:00 and didn't fall back to sleep until nearly 4:00, then again at 5:00 until nearly 6:00. So I am exhausted today, but that has no relationship to whether I am still pregnant or not. That simply has to do with a lack of sleep. I can hardly eat today too. The quesadilla that I just got from the cafeteria is sitting like a rock in my stomach, and I couldn't even finish it. I wish it was tomorrow morning already - then I could at least know one way or the other. I really need to know so that I can stop worrying. Well, OK, worry less.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Thoughts - September 13th, 2009

Hmmm . . . I feel less sick today than I did last week. I have more energy than my husband - he sleeps nearly twice as much as I do normally, and that has continued into my pregnancy. I'm supposed to be sick and exhausted, but I'm not. It worries me a bit, because it's supposed to be the high levels of hCG that make you sick and tired during pregnancy, so if I'm not sick and tired, does that mean my levels of hCG aren't as high as they should be? Luckily I get to have a second beta test done tomorrow. They will draw my blood tomorrow and I will get the results back on Tuesday morning. I'm really looking forward to it. Hopefully the numbers are going up, up, up and I can stop worrying about it.

Friday, September 11, 2009

First Beta Results - 9/11/2009

My blood was drawn yesterday to check my beta levels. This test checks the amount of hCG you have in your system. hCH is the pregnancy hormone, FYI. At 4 weeks (like I am now) anything over a 5 indicates a pregnancy. A low result (less than 50) is something that you should consider worrying about, since it can indicate a weak pregnancy that might not be viable. Anything higher than that is great! The real check comes though, when you have a second test to compare it to. The level should double every 48 - 72 hours. My first beta was Thursday 9/10, and the result came back this morning at 233! That's indicative of a good strong singleton pregnancy! Yay! That's my first hint that I probably just have one baby in there. Usually, if you have multiples, the level is significantly higher (probably 300 - 400+ on a first beta). Of course, it's not completely ruled out until they do the first ultrasound, which for me will be in 2 or 3 weeks. I guess I can ask them about it on Tuesday when I get the second beta results back.

I'm so excited now. I can barely believe that this is happening, but it's starting to sink in. I couldn't even focus or pay attention today, so I had to take the day off work. I guess I'm saving 5 vacation days this year that I would have been taking for the IVF, so I have to use them or loose them! More to come later, I need to go get some food!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Still in Disbelief - September 10th, 2009

I'm still in shock. I cannot believe that this has happened. I had to take a third test tonight, just because. I know, I'm silly! I had my blood draw today for my first hCG beta level. I should hear the results tomorrow. I hate waiting! =) I'll get a second beta test on Monday to make sure my levels are doubling successfully. They should double every 48 - 72 hours, so here's hoping! Then, about 2 to 3 weeks from today, I will go in for my first ultrasound of the gestational sac. The intent there is to make sure it's in the right place (the uterus and not a fallopian tube) and to make sure it's not an empty sac. In other words, to make sure it's a viable pregnancy. I feel very confident that it will be a viable pregnancy. Our challenge was getting to this point. Now I'm going to go and enjoy my pregnancy. Yep, every bit of it. Even when I'm vomiting my brains out, I'm going to be happy as a clam. Or so the saying goes. I wonder if clams can feel happiness. Hmmm . . .

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'm All About Confirmation

So there's this! =)


I don't believe it. Nuh-uh.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Blood Draw Numbers - September 4th, 2009

I received a call from my RE's nurse on Friday morning. She had some interesting information for me. First, my Progesterone level went through the roof! It had been approximately 9 and 11 before (I'm not sure what units these are, sorry!). This time it was 28.6! Now, this caused me to get my hope up. I shouldn't let it, because a high progesterone level is not a guarantee of pregnancy - it can simply indicate a strong ovulation. However, when a woman is pregnant, her progesterone level shoots up to provide the embryo with nutrients. The general rule is that the numbers double from what is normal for the woman in the first trimester, normally putting the level between 15 and 90. So this result really excited me, as it was 2 - 3 times what I've had before!

The other test that was done was a check of my Thyroid level. I have hypothyroid syndrome, meaning that my thyroid isn't active enough, so I take medicine to regulate it and keep it functioning normally. Ideally the thyroid level should be around a 3 or 4 (again, I don't know what units these numbers are in), but as high as a 5 is acceptable. In any case, my result came back at an 8.51 this time. Waaaaay up! Not good. So my RE's nurse told me to call my family doctor right away (the one who prescribes my thyroid regulation medicine) and get my prescription changed. The problem here is that a hypo active thyroid can cause miscarriage in pregnancy, so if I ever manage to become pregnant, I could miscarry if this isn't fixed. I called my doctor right away, since there is a possibility that I'm pregnant now (however slim) and proceeded to play phone tag with them on Friday, resulting in no information. I decided to just double my medication at home until I heard otherwise. I get my prescription in a 90-day supply, so I have enough medicine to take two pills a day until I am able to talk to my family doctor. As of today (Tuesday), I'm still playing phone tag with the nurses. Fun.

So, mixed news. Some good, some bad, but nothing spectacularly so. The real downer is that yesterday (Monday Sept 7th), I started to get pre-period cramps. I went from being very hopeful to about 99% certain that I'm not pregnant in the span of about 10 minutes. Meh. I guess I'll be on to IVF-ICSI after all. I'm really not looking forward to it. And I'm getting very bitter about the whole thing. I just can't seem to be positive about things right now, so I'll stop talking before I get myself in trouble. Goodnight folks.