Friday, September 30, 2011

Woot! We are a go for stims - September 30th, 2011

Wow!  I can hardly believe it!  We are a go for stims!  Our doc wanted the E2 below 80, other clinics go with below 60 or even sometimes below 40.  Last week I was 158 and today I was 44!!!  So we are almost as low as the lowest clinic looks for!  So, starting tomorrow, we drop the Lupron to 5 ccs and use 2 vials of Bravelle morning and night.  Next appointment is next Wednesday morning.  Woohoo - off we go!

On pins and needles - September 30th, 2011

I went for another blood draw this morning and am waiting to hear the results.  I am just on pins and needles!  The outcome of this blood draw could mean that we get to move on to stims tomorrow, or that the past 9 weeks have been a waste and the cycle will be cancelled.  It is also possible that they will continue to try and suppress me even if my E2 is still up.  I don't know what way it will go, but I have a feeling of foreboding.  I have this awful sense that it is not low enough and the cycle will be cancelled.  I will know in the next 4 hours.  For now, all I can do is keep waiting.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Just waiting . . . again - September 27th, 2011

So I haven't posted in the last few days because, well, there's just nothing to post.  Still on the Lupron.  Still feel like crap.  Still POed about being delayed.  Still feeling sorry for myself.  Oh, I guess there is something new.  My period started, so I feel like even worse shit than before.  yay.  I'm going to go crawl back into my hole again now.  Maybe I'll have some good news at the end of the week.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Craptastic - September 23rd, 2011

What a craptastic day.  I went out this morning in the pouring rain and made the journey to my RE's office.  I got there early - I was told the lab opened early for the IVF patients to get their bloodwork done in the morning at 7:45.  Because the traffic between here and there is very unpredictable, I left early to be sure to get there on time.  I arrived at 7:20 and prepared to read my book in the parking lot while I waited for the office to open.  I saw a lady coming out of the office and wondered if they might be open already.  So I watched two other people pull up and walk in within about 3 minutes.  I figured 'what the heck' and got out and dashed through the rain to get inside.  Sure enough, there was a sign indicating for IVF patients to sign in on a clipboard.  I signed in and sat down and within 2 minutes was called back.  Great!  So I went back to have my blood drawn.  The nurse was very nice and stuck the needle in, missed, moved it in and out under the skin a few times with no luck and then started rolling it around and finally hit the vein.  So that sucked and had me breaking out in the sweats.  But it was over quickly, and I headed off a few doors down to have my baseline ultrasound (u/s) done.  This is done to check that the ovaries are quiet and that everything is ready to be stimmed.  So a new doc comes in that I haven't met before.  I forget his name already, so let's just call him Dr. ouch-that-hurts-and-you-have-terrible-bedside-manner-and-didn't-even-feign-sympathy.  Err, how about Dr. O for short?  So Doc O puts the ultrasound wand in and looks to the right side.  Ovary pops up and there are a few dark spots on it, but I guess that's OK, because he said it looks nice and quiet.  Then he comes back to center and asks if my period (AF) has started.  I said no, and he said it looks like I have a thin lining of about 6 and some fluid in there, so the lining is breaking down and I should expect a light AF.  OK, I was actually expecting one to start earlier this week, so no problem there.  Now he went looking for my left ovary.  Now, ol' leftie is the one that has given us fits before, so I warned him that she is sometimes hard to find.  He starts poking around, and the wand is being pressed harder and harder into my vaginal canal.  The cramping is getting more and more intense and painful as he does this.  I'm watching the screen and thinking "please show yourself now" as he pokes and presses on my belly and stretches the wand around and I think "Oh crap, this is going to put me into shock again, isn't it?" because that's what usually happens to me with this much pain in my lady parts.  Actually, that would have been nice, because I could have blissfully distanced from what was going on if that had happened.  But it didn't.  Instead, I was right there, feeling it all.  He has no luck finding her where he thought she'd be, so he pushes the wand up really high into my body.  This moves the cramping from low to high, no less awful.  Just like if a clamp is smashing your arm just below the elbow and then moves to smash your wrist, it still hurts like hell and doesn't really offer any relief.  In any case, I can no longer keep my eyes open or keep quiet at this point, so I start moaning with the pain and push my head back with my eyes clamped shut.  Mind you, I did not moan in pain when I was in labor for 37 hours with RoBet.  That should give you an idea of how much this sucked.  Finally he says, OK, caught a glimpse of it, and it is quiet too.  I'm not sure if he really did or not, but after about 5 minutes of that pain, I no longer cared.  I lay on the table panting and sweating for a minute and he says, "you can sit up anytime" like he's irritated that I'm not sitting up to address him yet.  I finally am able to sit up, and he says that the nurse will meet me in the hallway.  The meeting with the nurse was quick - just that they'd call me with the results of my blood work at what I thought was 12:30, and if all looks good, we'd be on to starting our stims tomorrow.  Yay - finally stim time!  She asked if I had any other questions, and I told her that I did not, so I left to come home.  I got about halfway home, and the highway became a parking lot because of accidents caused by the rain.  I still got home much earlier than I had anticipated, which was great.  Let's fast forward to 2:00.  Still no call from the nurse.  This was making me very nervous, so I called their office.  As I began to leave a message, my caller ID beeped in, and it was my nurse.  I clarified the time with her, and she said that the lab sends them the patient results at 12:30, but that the doctor has to review the results and then she has to call everyone, so I should expect a call back between 1:00 and 5:00 in the future.  OK, no problem.  However, there was a problem.  My estrogen levels (which I believe are called E2 levels) were supposed to be below 80.  They were 158.  What does that mean?  That means that it is not, in fact, stim time.  =(  I have to continue on the Lupron - the medicine that is making me feel like total crap - for another week and then drive all the way back there for a blood draw in a week to see if we can start stims a week from tomorrow.  I am so sad.  I know it's only a week delay, but this month has really felt like an eternity already.  Another week of more of the same feels like a horrible sentence that I don't feel up to.  So, I'm feeling very down in the dumps this afternoon.  I hope my sweet girlie wakes up soon from her nap, and that she is in a very good mood, because I need a happy little girl to make me feel better.

Updated to add one more bitch.  I am running out of the horrible medicine, and this delay means that I had to order another vial to make it through the extra week.  I called the pharmacy to get a refill, spoke the Rx number twice and punched it in on the phone twice with the stupid system unable to understand it for some reason.  I was transferred to a rep, which mean I sat on hold for 10 minutes.  Spoke to that person, who transferred me to another department, who transferred me to another department before I could finally order the f-ing vial of Lupron.  Like I needed to spend 30 minutes screwing around with the pharmacy in addition to everything else today.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Milestone: Last BCP - September 17th, 2011

Today I took my last birth control pill (BCP).  We're off to the races a week from now with stims starting next Saturday!  Meanwhile, I continue my Lupron injections at the same dosage. 

Also, today was our 6th anniversary.  6 years ago at this time, I was having the time of my life at a wedding that went perfectly, and we were surrounded by the very best friends two people could ever hope for.  Our lives have changed tremendously, but we have so much to be thankful for.  I wouldn't trade this life for any other.

Friday, September 16, 2011

And a picture too - September 16th, 2011

Here's a recent picture of my sweet little RoBet.  She is so awesome!

Big girl update - September 16th, 2011

So in all of the excitement with the IVF, I hardly ever report on my current cutie!  She is getting so big so quickly!  Yesterday, she went pee-pee in the potty three times!  Whenever we go, we have been setting her on the potty, but with pants and diaper on.  The day before yesterday, just before her evening bath, Daddy set her on the potty while he ran the bathwater.  When she stood up, there was pee in the potty!  So, I put her on 4 times yesterday, and out of 4 attempts, she went pee 3 times!  Already!  At 15 months old!  I hope this continues - I would love to have her potty trained early and not use diapers as long.  That would be better for the environment and better for our wallets!  No luck so far today, but I've only offered once.  She has been drinking fluids though, so maybe now is a good time to try again.  I think we'll go try that now . . .

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Meds, meds, and more meds - September 13th, 2011

This process uses quite a lot of meds.  Here are a couple of pictures.  The first is of all of the meds and med 'supplements':
This one is of just the needles I will be using over the next month:
And if this works out, there will be several more vials of progesterone in oil and daily needles for it.  Good times, good times.  I sure hope this results in a baby, dangit! 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Houston, we have injections - September 10th, 2011

So today I gave myself my first injection of many to come.  I think I did pretty darn well.  The injections of this medication are to be given in the mornings for the next 4 weeks.  So I had the option of getting up at 5:15 to have my husband give them to me, or I could suck it up and give them to myself later in the morning.  Since they are subcutaneous injections, they are much easier than the hCG injections that we've had to do for the IUIs (and that we will have to do for the IVF too).  Those are intramuscular (IM), so they have a different target area for the injection and they hurt more.  In any case, today's medication is called Lupron.  It is used to make sure that my body doesn't ovulate before my doctors want me to.  That's why I will be on it for the next 4 weeks - that is how long I have until they are ready to retrieve the eggs.  *sigh*  That is such a long way away!  In the meantime, I continue taking birth control pills for one more week while doing the Lupron injections.  Then, the week after next, I will be giving myself the Lupron injections without the BCPs.  After that, it's stim time!  I will be taking 2 vials of stims, twice a day.  Luckily, we can mix the stim medication, which is in powder form, with just one vial of sterile liquid, meaning that I only have to give myself 1 shot of it twice per day, plus the Lupron.  That means that I will be giving myself a total of 3 shots per day starting 2 weeks from now.  Fun.  Thankfully, they are all subcutaneous.  The injections that are IM are the hCG shot, which hubby will give to me 36 hours before the time my egg retrieval is scheduled for.  Then the progesterone in oil shots (POI) which from what I understand, suck quite a lot, are IM as well.  I will be on them for 2 weeks for certain, and if I am pregnant, for 6 - 8 weeks after that for a total of 8 - 10 weeks.  Joy.  But, we have a lot of sub-Q shots to get through first.  And today was the first.  One down, approximately 66 to go.