Thursday, July 30, 2009

Follicle Disappointment - July 30, 2009

Today was my pre-IUI ultrasound to see if this cycle is a go or a no-go. It dawned on me today (thanks to a friend's questions) that when I mention these ultrasounds that I'm going through, people tend to think of spreading goo on top of your belly and rubbing a device around on it. Sadly, this is wrong. Think an uncomfortable wand and where it would go to look at ovaries. There you go. Fun.

Today I saw Dr. Shortstick again, as Dr. RE is away on vacation. Lucky man! Unfortunately, due to a lack of vacation time remaining, my hubby was unable to attend this appointment with me. Many women go to these types of appointments alone all the time. I prefer having my hubby with me, but you deal with the situation as best you can, and today that meant going it alone.

So last month I had three nice mature follicles, which is just the right number (3 - 4 is ideal) for getting pregnant. This month, I have only one. Well, we think I have only one. My left ovary has given me problems before (it hid during the HSG causing all of that fun, and it was hard to find during my last ultrasound, causing cramping from a procedure that really shouldn't), and this month decided to be even more difficult than in the past.

Dr. Shortstick couldn't find my left ovary at all today. When she asked "Do you have a left ovary?" I felt a twinge of panic. "Oh no," I thought, "Did it fall out or dissolve in the past month? Oh lord, are we getting further from success instead of closer?!" I shit you not - intelligent, well-educated people do have these irrational fits of panic where the most ridiculous things seem plausible, even if only for a moment. Once I fought down that wave of panic, I responded that it has been difficult to find in the past as well. She continued to dig around for another minute causing horrible cramping - I mean really, imagine a long wand shoved up inside of you into tight quarters being twisted and turned in all directions looking for something elusive. Can you imagine a time when this wouldn't cause significant cramping?! I thought not. In any case, Dr. Shortstick decided to give up. It just wasn't worth it, as we were going to move forward with the IUI anyway, since I had one mature follicle on the right side (22mm for those keeping score at home) and a good thickness to my endometrial lining (10mm).

I'm pretty disappointed to have only one mature follicle. I mean, I ovulate normally, producing one follicle each month without any medications. For as crappy as the Clomid makes me feel, I really feel that I deserve to have multiple follicles. I suffered the nasty side effects, I deserve the reward for it! *sigh* It's too bad that life doesn't really work that way. With our already low chance for success from this treatment, we need all the breaks we can get. At least with the multiple follicles last month I felt like there was something working in our favor. This month, not so much. It's hard to feel positive right now. I just want to move on toIVF. Actually, I just want to spontaneously pop up pregnant so that I don't have to go through IVF or wait any longer.

Tonight I get the trigger shot. Last month my butt was sore for several days from the injection. I'm going to make my hubby massage the injection side this time, as I've heard that it can help it to not be so sore afterwards. Yep, hubby's going to rub my butt. Heehee. Well, wish me luck. Tonight I get a shot and the IUI is set for Saturday morning, bright and early (7:30 AM).